If “not being heard” is the number one complaint of most parents, then “lack of motivation” has to be number two! I have often heard parents say, ” I have to ask my kids a million times to get hem to finish something.” Wouldn’t you rather supervise them in a positive way, and have them initiate tasks on their own?
If this tool is used occasionally, it doesn’t lose its potency. Like any strategy or tool, it is most effective when not overused. It can be very powerful to help your kids initiate an action. At times, it’s the igniter they need to take action.
Today I would like to offer just one helpful tool; it’s a powerful one based on a proven behavior modification technique. Behavior scientists, teachers, and parent trainers have used this method for years. I know many parents like you may have used this strategy in some form in the past. When use correctly, it’s magical powers create a child who would comply with your directions and reasonable commands. The principle on which the strategy is based is called Premack’s Principle.
I’ve seen many parents get themselves into trouble because their kids are smart or mature for their age and talk them into what they believe they deserve and are able to earn. However, other factors are involved, including environmental, social, and legal standards.
Remember, having to earn something is the major difference between rights and privileges. Kids must always work for their privileges. The main message is:
“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, then put some responsibility on their shoulders” – Abigail Van Buren
The beauty of having your children earn their privileges, and the lessons that can be learned.
In my experience with families, we mainly focus on what to do and how to do it successfully in order to see results. From time to time, however, the question “What should we avoid doing?” comes up. I have compiled a short list of some “Don’ts” that I hope you find helpful.
Do you have difficulty trying to decide what privileges are appropriate for your kids to earn? Here is a list that is divided into age groups that will help.
As you’re mastering the art of motivating your kids, it’s important to avoid falling back into old habits. In my experience, sometimes while parents are learning how to create a more motivated and grateful child, they may confuse bribing with using incentives. Let’s focus on specific ways you can differentiate between bribes, threats and incentives.
You may have heard of the “token system”, or “star charts” or “award charts”. All these tools have one thing in common: they allow you and your child to keep track of what tasks your kid needs to complete (or has completed), and kids receive some type of check mark or star for completing their chores/tasks.
