If your kids would listen to you all the time, then you’d be happy because your kids wouldn’t repeat your mistakes and would ward off their own mistakes, right? Wouldn’t that be just heavenly? However, if they listen to you all the time, you will also end up with robot-like kids who think only like you do, take no risks, push no boundaries, invent nothing new, and never learn to assert themselves. Obviously, that’s not what you want. What you really want is a kid who knows when to listen and follow conventional wisdom and when to think for him or herself.
If this tool is used occasionally, it doesn’t lose its potency. Like any strategy or tool, it is most effective when not overused. It can be very powerful to help your kids initiate an action. At times, it’s the igniter they need to take action.
I’ve seen many parents get themselves into trouble because their kids are smart or mature for their age and talk them into what they believe they deserve and are able to earn. However, other factors are involved, including environmental, social, and legal standards.
Remember, having to earn something is the major difference between rights and privileges. Kids must always work for their privileges. The main message is:
As the adult in the home, more often than not, creating peace in your home is up to you, so I hope these few ideas will find a useful place in your “toolbox”, and your home will be a place of strong relationships, a place of learning and a place where children thrive.
Maintaining peace in your home creates a positive environment where children feel secure and loved, and where family values can be taught and strong relationships built. Use these tools to help you build and maintain a peaceful home.
These are tools and secrets that behaviorists have used for years to maintain positive behaviors. These tools and strategies will help you maintain and continue to foster good choices by your kids. On many occasions, your kids make good decisions, behave well, comply with your request, and simply put – do the right thing! Unfortunately, it’s often when kids misbehave that we notice them.
When your kid faces a natural consequence, he/she is facing the outcome of a decision he has made, whether or not the outcome of that decision is understood, as opposed to punishment, which is an imposed consequence for a decision that was made in spite of any understanding or warning the child may have been given. Which do you use?
The challenges and struggles are in the methods and approaches some families use to teach kids how to discriminate between right and wrong and how to learn accountability. So many parents resort to punishment when they feel nothing they have tried has worked.
Motivation starts with parents helping their kids identify and label privileges correctly. Once kids learn the difference between rights and privileges, they are more motivated to earn such privileges. These kids are less likely to have a sense of entitlement, or to be hurt in the long run by that sense of entitlement.