It can begin at an early age…your kid learns how to manipulate you. Babies realize that crying gets attention, young kids learn that begging gets them what they want, and as they get older, they learn about guilt trips and other manipulative behaviors. As a parent, your job is to teach your kid that there is greater benefit to negotiating rather than manipulating.
Negotiating with your kids is the best way to avoid power struggles and to “figure it out”, whatever “it” is. It’s coming to an agreement rather than getting involved in an argument, it’s working together as parent and child to negotiate issues that come up.
Power struggles happen in every home. I’ve known great parents who still get into occasional power struggles with their kids. Good negotiation skills can help eliminate those power struggles when you use these negotiating hints…
One of the best ways to reduce power struggles with your kids is to learn the art of negotiating with them.
There are many moments in the first twelve years of your kids’ lives when you can prevent them from making poor choices. At the very least, it is possible to negotiate successful alternative with them and avoid power struggles. To accomplish such negotiation and to decrease power struggles in your home, you need tools – most importantly, the power of negotiation. Part 2
One of the best ways to reduce power struggles with your kids is to learn the art of negotiating with them.
There are many moments in the first twelve years of your kids’ lives when you can prevent them from making poor choices. At the very least, it is possible to negotiate successful alternative with them and avoid power struggles. To accomplish such negotiation and to decrease power struggles in your home, you need tools – most importantly, the power of negotiation.
If your kids would listen to you all the time, then you’d be happy because your kids wouldn’t repeat your mistakes and would ward off their own mistakes, right? Wouldn’t that be just heavenly? However, if they listen to you all the time, you will also end up with robot-like kids who think only like you do, take no risks, push no boundaries, invent nothing new, and never learn to assert themselves. Obviously, that’s not what you want. What you really want is a kid who knows when to listen and follow conventional wisdom and when to think for him or herself.
Today I would like to offer just one helpful tool; it’s a powerful one based on a proven behavior modification technique. Behavior scientists, teachers, and parent trainers have used this method for years. I know many parents like you may have used this strategy in some form in the past. When use correctly, it’s magical powers create a child who would comply with your directions and reasonable commands. The principle on which the strategy is based is called Premack’s Principle.
Let’s say you have a twelve-year-old boy who has enjoyed many privileges up to now – before you understood the principle of earning privileges. How are you going to help him understand that from now on, he needs to earn those privileges?
Dr. Shirin Sherkat Psy.D. will guide you in your efforts to avoid power struggles with your kids as she gives you strategies that will help:
Reduce talking back
Motivate your kids
Result in order in your home
Reduce defiance
Increase enjoyment in your family
My mission is to honor children and empower parents with proven, road-tested and simple parenting techniques that reduce struggles and add more joy for every member of the family.
I have been a guest speaker for parenting workshops, conferences, schools and parenting groups, and would enjoy the opportunity to speak to your audience.
