Motivation starts with parents helping their kids identify and label privileges correctly. Once kids learn the difference between rights and privileges, they are more motivated to earn such privileges. These kids are less likely to have a sense of entitlement, or to be hurt in the long run by that sense of entitlement.
Let’s say you have a twelve-year-old boy who has enjoyed many privileges up to now – before you understood the principle of earning privileges. How are you going to help him understand that from now on, he needs to earn those privileges?
You have been helping your kids communicated, identify their feelings, and face their fears. Not to mention helping them learn to manage stress and frustration. You’re doing well, until…one day they catch you “losing it!” They overhear you curse and react toward someone in an unfair manner. Now what?
Kids need to learn that their feelings are normal and okay, and that how they act upon their feelings is a choice. The better choices they make, the better the outcomes. Unfortunately how to manage their feelings is the foundation for healthy coping skills.
In my experience with families, we mainly focus on what to do and how to do it successfully in order to see results. From time to time, however, the question “What should we avoid doing?” comes up. I have compiled a short list of some “Don’ts” that I hope you find helpful.
As you’re mastering the art of motivating your kids, it’s important to avoid falling back into old habits. In my experience, sometimes while parents are learning how to create a more motivated and grateful child, they may confuse bribing with using incentives. Let’s focus on specific ways you can differentiate between bribes, threats and incentives.
You want to be heard by your kid, and your kid wants to be heard by you…is that even possible? As the parent, you can set the tone of the discussion, and if you do it right, odds are better that both sides get heard.
In all the years I provided training for families, I would often ask kids, “If you had a magic want and you could change one thing about your parents, what would it be?” or ” If you had a magic wand and could make your parents do whatever you wanted, what would it be?” Almost consistently, they have told me they would make their parents listen to them and hear the better.
You can successfully remind your kids without creating a dependent child and without nagging, and while using your kid’s skills/strengths in visual memory.
You can write down tasks that are part of the daily routine and make a list that is…
Every parent feels somewhat rushed during breakfast, before sending kids off to school and taking of to work. Since it is difficult (if not impossible) to get together with your kids for lunch during school days, it only makes sense that you create “Dinner Time” where you sit at the same table, eat, talk, and enjoy one meal together without distractions or interruptions for a solid twenty minutes. I think your family deserves twenty minutes once a day, don’t you?